Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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