Screwed.edu
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
