I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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