That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
