When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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