Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
