Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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