yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
