new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
