How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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