The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
