Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
