Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
