"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Randomize
