Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
