Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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