I'm so fucking centered right now
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
