I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
