i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
