i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
