He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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