I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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