No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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