I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
