i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
