I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
