Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize