My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
