Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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