Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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