come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
