You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
