what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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