wanna go halves on a baby?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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