Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
