Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
