it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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