is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
