are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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