weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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