onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
