I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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