Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
