i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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