You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
