Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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