They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
COCAINE IS GR8
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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