Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
