there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
