I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
