In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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