I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
