could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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