Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
