Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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