Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
