There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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