I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize