I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
