I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
