There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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