It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
