you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
