he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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