Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
