I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
