She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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