Screwed.edu
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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