Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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