First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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