bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
